This site’s goal is to provide information about information about setting up accountability processes when you have harmed someone. It comes with a perspective from the Kink Community with a focus on situations where harm was done due to poor practices, bad communication, overstepped boundaries, broken agreements, etc. But, the information could be applied to many other kinds of communities and adapted to various scenarios. The hope is that the site can provide some guidance for those who genuinely want to take accountability, but need some help to create their accountability process.

There are various forms of accountability processes. This site focuses on working with trusted people to gain personal insight and being accountable to them, the person harmed, and your community. This kind of process is often called “accountability pods”, though that formal name belies the flexibility of the concept.

At its core, this site provides information about gathering and productively receiving feedback to get a full picture of what mistakes you have made and why they happened, making genuine apologies and amends, and learning what you need to change and do better on to prevent problems in the future. The specifics of how you choose to put together this kind of process can vary, and this site lays out many of the things you may want to set up and consider when creating a process. Much of it can be used proactively to help prevent a full process from being needed in the first place, and it can work in tandem with therapy, coaching, and other tools. The most important thing for anyone going through this kind of process is that they genuinely want to learn about themselves, feel remorse for harm done, and want to do better going forward. 

One thing this site is not intended to be is completely prescriptive. Different situations and different people will require different processes. This is a starting point for crafting a process, and hopefully this site will be useful for thinking about many of the considerations that need to be taken into account.

A note for those looking at this because they were told they did something wrong. Accountability processes aren’t a checklist you complete. You have to want to learn. It’s ok if you have feelings like embarrassment and resentment, but you have to be open to working through that and focusing on your actions and the impact they had so that both you and the person harmed can move forward productively. This all takes time and introspection. But if done earnestly and honestly, you will find accountability to be a process that will bring meaningful and important growth along with healing.

This site is divided into the following sections:

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